A Year in Review

I hate 2013. 

There, I said it. It's the end of the year and I'm not at all sorry to see it go. It's been the worst year of my life.

Let's look at my resolutions for the year, shall we? First up, finish my dissertation. Nope. Not even close on that one. Next up, find a job or post-doc. What is the point? I'm not even close to finishing, so why waste my time on the job search? Then there was the goal of reading 52 new books this year. Umm...I think I read ten or twelve. Maybe. I did read Pride and Prejudice twice (again). Reading for pleasure got preempted by the dissertation and stress and worrying over Dewey. Finally, there was the ever-lofty "take better care of myself" goal. Ha. I did yoga maybe twice this year, but I did lose thirty pounds. Then Dewey got sick and I ate my feelings the past three months because it was better than crying constantly, but I did that, too. I told you I was bad at resolutions. Maybe 2014 will be better resolution-wise.

I'm trying to pinpoint what exactly was so horrible about this year and I don't think it was any one thing necessarily, but a compilation of a whole lot of crap. 

Certainly, this wasn't a great year for teaching. Only teaching one class over the winter semester was terrible. It wrecked all the progress I'd made on my giant pile of grad school debt and seems to have cost me my best friend because I couldn't afford to go to her wedding in the Bahamas. We haven't talked since June and, before that, it was pretty strained, although I thought it was getting better. Then she didn't call or even text me for birthday, so I guess it was more strained than I realized. This semester was a really rough semester for teaching. I had one class that was great - good students (some not so good, too), good chemistry - and one class that started horribly, but picked up towards the end for some of the students. I just think 8:00 classes shouldn't exist. Trying to get this class to do their work, much less talk about it, was worse than pulling teeth. The number of students that failed the class is shocking, but it's impossible to pass them when they didn't do the three major assignments. Accepting that was difficult.

More difficult was losing three dogs this year. Winnie, technically my uncle's dog, but she grew up at my parents' house, with Dewey when they were puppies. She was Dewey's girlfriend and mother to the adorable duo of Princess and Tank. Then we lost Tank the day before my birthday. I thought that was horrendous, but I wasn't in any way, shape, or form prepared for what was to come - saying goodbye to Dewey. I dreaded it for years, since his first diagnosis with cancer, but November 25th was the worst day ever. Or maybe it was November 26th, when I woke up without him for the first time. 

I know he is not in pain anymore and that's what matters and I know that it gets easier over time, but living without him is hard. Every day there has been something that has reminded me of him, of how much my life revolved around him. It's been four weeks and there hasn't been a day that I haven't looked for him or called for him or wanted to hug him. I also realize I sound like a lunatic, but I'm hoping you won't judge. It was just me and him for a long time and those years were some of the toughest of my life.

Until this year. I can't wait to say goodbye and good riddance to this year.

Books, books, books

Erm. I think I set a resolution to read a book a week this year because I may have only read ten or so books for fun in the past five years of my dissertating life. This is week eleven, I think, of the year and...well, no. I have not read eleven books this year.

For those of you dying to know, I've read:

The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald (still don't like it, but can't wait for the movie)
Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life, Anne Lamott (my lifesaver)
Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity, David Allan (another lifesaver)
The Lost Summer of Louisa May Alcott, Kelly O'Connor McNees
I Loved, I Lost, I Made Spaghetti, Giulia Melucci
The Lady of the Rivers, Philippa Gregory

I couldn't bring myself to read The Tipping Point, so I read a fictional romance about Louisa May Alcott, who I love. It was delightful. I wanted it to be true. The spaghetti book I could have lived without, but it did have recipes, which is nice. Still, the author was obnoxiously pretentious at times, completely overshadowing the genuine tone of her occasional heartbreak.

Needless to say, I am quite behind. Five books behind to be exact. I should get back to that. When I was reading, I was managing a much better work-life balance, I think. I got a lot done, but I was not just working.

Being sick for over a week now, I have started reading again just a little bit because it's all that I've been able to manage, but I'm cheating a little bit. Don't judge; I'm sick. I read the Philippa Gregory book because, well, I love her. Her books normally feed me the history that I love with an imagination, too, and this book didn't disappoint. Don't get me wrong - it was nowhere near as all-consuming as The Other Boleyn Girl, but I didn't expect that. Even as many times as I've reread that book, I still can't put it down. Anyway, after The Lady of the Rivers, I needed a comfort book. My dad bought me a new copy (with a lovely pink and green cover!) of Pride and Prejudice for Christmas. I used to read it every year, sometimes more than once a year, but when I moved to San Diego, I lost my copy, so I haven't read it in almost seven years. My Mr. Darcy fixes have had to come from the BBC movie, which is more than fine (I mean, really, who doesn't want to see Colin Firth post swim), but I needed to read Darcy again and it's been glorious, particularly because I now read the characters' lines with the actors' voices in my head and it makes me laugh.

Maybe I'll read The Tipping Point after this. Maybe not. I'm just glad to be reading again.

Resolutions...blargh

It's January 13th and I have already broken all of my resolutions for the New Year. For starters, here I am, online, when I'm not supposed to be. I also worked today, when I wasn't supposed to do so. Yoga? Pfft. Don't make me laugh!

DHWI was fantastic, but it was really difficult to get everything done this week while I was in class all day every day. I learned so much that it was definitely worth it; I can't wait to get started on the project in my head. Anyway, classes start tomorrow. TOMORROW. My syllabus is done (what a nightmare - I was indecision personified), the course site is done, my nails are painted red (my favorite), and my outfit is picked out. I know the nails and outfit sound silly, but I'm not a morning person and need to have that stuff done ahead of time, plus, the less stress on the first day, the better off I'll be.

My reading resolution is the only one going well so far. Great Gatsby? Done - that's one. I also finished Anne Lamott's "Bird by Bird"- that's two. Yes, technically that is not a "for fun" kind of book, but, you know what? It's my resolution and I can count whatever I want! I needed writing inspiration and finally got around to reading this, after one of my committee members told me about it over a year ago. I need to pick this week's book and fast! I'm thinking about Malcolm Gladwell's "Tipping Point." That's not my idea of a fun read, but it's been on my list for years, so I should probably just get it out of the way. Coincidentally, I came across this post on (where else?) twitter today - I told you I'm breaking resolutions left and right - and am inspired about sticking to this and fitting in reading time wherever I can.

Next week aka tomorrow I'm back on the resolution train again!