Is it just me or has it been a really long week?
Last week's stomach bug kicked my butt and I'm still not 100%. Not only am I still exhausted, but my stomach just feels...off. It's not happy with me, whether I eat some delicious pizza (I only have so much willpower in the middle of winter) or whether I behave myself and eat salad or some fruit and veg.
This has made keeping up with the week difficult. I'm only just reading about all of your wonderful achievements from last week. I'm trying to contain my jealousy! What I've noticed in some of your comments and what I struggle with on an almost daily basis is the impact of failure, or just the fear of failure - for we are all excellent people and scholars, of course! - on our scholarly lives. This, of course, impacts our personal lives, as we overwork and overstress ourselves in an attempt not to "fail," to get that tenure-track job at a R1 institution, to publish our book or more books or more and more articles.
Coincidentally, just yesterday Lee Skallerup Bessette blogged about this same thing and its effect on her writing, (I hate getting scooped!) so maybe this is a good time to discuss our concerns about failure. Why are we all so obsessed with getting these jobs that EVERYONE knows barely exist? Why don't we let our goals change without being racked with guilt? Are we really just attempting to keep up with the demands of academia or is there something else that motivates us? For those of you lucky ones who have landed the "dream job," does that fear subside (perhaps after tenure)? How can we overcome that fear and put it to good use as a motivator, not an impediment, to our writing?
Roll call (should be up to date now - apologies that it wasn't yesterday!):
Amanda@ladyscientist: Write or read 30 minutes/day.
Amstr (writing account)1) read comments on Chs. 2 and 4; 2) make changes to Ch. 2 and send to 2nd advisor; 3) gather primary and secondary evidence for Ch. 4 and confirm structure; 4) read 4 chapters of Key Book. Bonus tasks: write some; read some more
Another Postdoc/living academically: no check-in
Bardiac: next week looks to be too busy with work
Contigent Cassandra: Deal with funding application; finish freelance piece; actually take out and look at books for main project, start planning it
Dame Eleanor Hull: Time: at least one hour a day, at least half an hour on translation and half on something else. Product: more notes on S book, get back to books on W and read/take notes. Do final edits and submit MMP companion-piece
Danne: 1) write at least a page of notes a day 2) Reading three chapters of spatial book 2 3) If a positive answer is received from the new uni, take a day off for reading.
Elizabeth Anne Mitchell: 30 minutes 5 days a week.
emmawriting: no check-in
Good Enough Woman: checked-in but no goal set
heu mihi: Finish the German? That might be about it. I've got an extra, very-short-term class to prepare, so I'm looking to be busy.
humming42: submit the paperwork
Jane B: a) incorporate the comments from other authors into paper A, do a first cut at reducing its length (let's say 4 sessions of about 0.5-1 hour each). b) type up the outline for what is now paper D derived from this week's freewriting and send an email to my colleague about their part in finalising the analysis plan.
Jason: 750 words-to-draft; 6x250; 5 solid hours with analytic sources; post writing group report by Saturday.
Jodi: If I'm still alive, I need 1000-1500 words
kiwi2: Work on the one page draft so it is a reasonable standard and send to at least one other colleague for review
kiwimedievalist/zcat_abroad: Write 1,000 words (can be rubbish) on the article. Read the book for review.
luolin88: 15 minutes on some kind of writing/research MTWTF.
Matilda: finish (or nearly finish) the paper
meansomething: 1) Five 12-minute sessions (may include two or three on prose); 2) Send out ms. to other publisher.
metheist: dedicate 3hrs on T/R, and hopefully an hour on MWF. Write a shitty first draft of my conference paper, which is an offshoot of a diss. chapter.
nwgirl: 1). Re-group. 2). Review research journal. 3). Work 4 hours each on two non-teaching days. Work 30 minutes each on three non-teaching days. 4). Review progress and check-in with writing group on Friday.
Pilgrim/Heretic: 1500 more.
profacero (Z): some writing every day, 25 minutes to 2.5 hours. Ideally I can get the 2.5 hours Saturday and also Sunday, but I will not scare myself by saying I must.
rented life: possibly leaving the group?
sophylou: no check-in
Susan: traveling but goal's for following week are: Finish the review, and get going on one of the many books I have on my desk!
tracynicolrose: Complete at least 1 analysis memo for MS paper; edit findings section of BE paper; find a new journal for rejected TS paper; read for Methods paper
Zabeel: no check-in
Hi, glad you're feeling a little better this week!
ReplyDeleteThanks! It's been a slow recovery. I'm scrambling to catch up with my writing now. :(
DeleteJust to let you know, I did, in fact, check in last week! :) And I'll officially check in for this week a bit later. Also, I had that stomach virus, too, and it took awhile before I wasn't hit with waves of nausea. You WILL feel normal again one day!
ReplyDeleteI missed a few people on the spreadsheet we keep. Sorry! All fixed (I hope).
DeleteLast week's goal: Finish the German.
ReplyDeleteResults: Nope. But I read another article and fiddled with my work a little bit. Only got in 2h45mins of work, though, which feels kind of pathetic.
On failure/fear thereof: When I think about what's good about my job and my life (the two are so intertwined), I feel very happy with the whole package. When I engage in upward comparisons, or start fretting about whether mid-tier SLACs can survive the current changes to higher ed, I'm...less happy. No deep thoughts here. Just than comparisons--especially to make-believe 6-figure 2-2 jobs in super-cool towns exactly the right distance from my family--don't do me any favors.
Next week's goals: 5 hours, for real. FINISH THE GERMAN. Touch the manuscript on at least 3 days.
Almost 3 hours of work is still a good chunk of time! It's certainly more than I accomplished and, like I said last week, German is soooo hard!
DeleteEr, hello?
ReplyDeletehttp://what-was-i-doing.blogspot.com/2013/01/writing-group-week-4-overcoming-inertia.html?showComment=1359331338125#c5238133225997219673
Tracy and Matilda also checked in.
ReplyDeleteSorry, DEH! I've updated everyone's goals.
Delete1: last week's goals.
ReplyDelete15 minutes on some kind of writing/research MTWTF.
2: what you achieved.
nada
3: analysis/comment of what worked and what didn't.
I had hoped that 15 minutes was minimal enough that I could keep up with
that goal even if I had no time. Instead, I was completely Overcome By
Events. The one research task I accomplished was to print out a copy of my
conference paper/article draft. I have been getting away from printing out
as many drafts as I used to. This printout is in part to follow directions
if I decide to follow along with Writing Your Journal Article. I also like
to physically cut and paste/tape when I have to do major organizational
revisions (some Anne Lamott/Bird by Bird advice that has been helpful to me
in the past).
I spent most of my time consulting with friends and colleages and
professionals about my Work-Life Issue.
4: next week's goals.
Touch the project every day, so as not to completely lose momentum.
5: comments on the weekly topic or whatever you want to discuss.
P.S. Sorry about the formatting on that.
DeleteI'm very sorry to hear that you got OBE by a work-life issue. It's hard to move past those things, but hopefully next week will go better for you. Good luck!
DeleteLast week’s goal: submit the paperwork
ReplyDeleteDone: done. It’s cool that you mentioned Lee Skallerup Bessette. She blogged this week about working with a writing coach who encouraged her to put her own research and writing deadlines first. I took inspiration from that and made the paperwork my priority during office hours yesterday. Not only was it splendid to carve out that time for myself, I am also reminded that I really can integrate research into my everyday life.
Next week’s goal: outline remainder of conference paper
Comments: I have ongoing self-worth issues about 1) not publishing a book yet and 2) taking a job at a third-tier school. These are clearly indications that I’m not good enough to write a book or to work at a prestigious university, right? I can make myself crazy, or I can remember to frame my reality in ways that focus on the meaningful work I do. Every. Day.
Every time someone in our writing group talks about how they managed to put their research first, it is such an inspiration.
DeleteMy sympathies about the self worth thing, from another who struggles with not being the stellar superstar I wish I was!
Kiwi2
I like the meaningful work idea. I do lots of meaningful work, but I get stuck in the trap of thinking that because it's not rewarded monetarily it's not meaningful enough.
DeleteMeaningful work is a great concept! I have done a lot of it throughout the course of my PhD, but, since it has yet to translate into a finished PhD and I'm scared it won't translate into a job, my self-esteem suffers like you. I hate when I play the comparison game because I constantly find myself coming up short. This other student has another article published or just defended or got more classes to teach than I did. Ugh. It's so frustrating, it feeds the fear, and it's a vicious cycle that is so difficult to escape. The idea of meaningful work may just provide an escape route.
DeleteHi all,
ReplyDeleteWell I feel like a bouncy kitten this week! It's a nice change.
Last week’s goal: Work on the one page draft so it is a reasonable standard and send to at least one other colleague for review. Do this first and before anything else.
Accomplished: Yes I did it!
Next goal: To finish a good revised draft of Paper X from the last writing group, including a last small piece of analysis (lperm) and a final graph (la). Also, to complete 15 hours work on the exotic synthesis.
Commentary: A small goal this week, but I am immensely happy to have done it. Work this week was up and down – after the intense effort of doing my one pager, I lost the plot a bit and found it really hard to get back in the groove. It was also mega hot here, just hot hot hot. However. This coming week I will be pushed for time with competing projects, but want to complete my revision of Paper X and send to my collaborators before the end of the week. And I need to get going on the exotic synthesis, with a deadline for that at the end of the month.
As to the fear of failure and how it can hold us back. I find I do get overwhelmed with this. I cope by a) exercising to get my angst out and b) breathing deeply. Reminding myself that what I love is research, and writing papers is really about communicating my passion and my findings with others. I try to put all those immediate concerns (will I ever get a permanent job?) out of my mind. When it works, I do so much better.
Kiwi2
Congrats on accomplishing your goal! Exercise is so key! I've been out of my regular exercise routine for about six weeks (holidays, and then I usually swim in an outdoor pool and it's been slightly below freezing in the mornings for all of January and I wimp out). Thanks for the reminder. I think that might help my mindset and productivity.
Deletehot . . . mmmm, hot . . . it's so cold here. It would be nice if we could blend our weather, and all be more comfortable.
DeleteCongrats on getting the draft done! I do think exercise is very important, right up until my alarm clock goes off early so I can work out. Then I think sleep is more important. Thanks for reminding me exercise can help with my stress levels. Now if I can remind myself in the morning!
DeleteExercise helps for me, too, and getting it back into my routine is one of the non-writing (but not entirely unrelated) goals I need to pursue in the coming month or so. At least I've made some progress on cooking and eating/freezing healthy food (which I'm not at all bad at, when I take/make the time -- true for many things).
DeleteCongratulations on the bouncy-kitten feeling!
Amstr here.
ReplyDeleteGoals: 1) read comments on Chs. 2 and 4; 2) make changes to Ch. 2 and send to 2nd advisor; 3) gather primary and secondary evidence for Ch. 4 and confirm structure; 4) read 4 chapters of Key Book. Bonus tasks: write some; read some more
Accomplished: 1) yes! 2) almost!, 3) nope, 4) read 1/2 a chapter
Analysis: residual stuff from the overwhelming events of the past couple weeks put me in a funk. I had a couple days with zero work, and mots of other household things that needed to get done after a couple weeks of minimal attention to them. I'm also in the throes of end-of-the-diss woes--how could I have spent the last 10 years of my life doing this? what is it going to get me? how come I'm so far along in life and I'm not really good at anything useful? I'm just starting to get into more helpful self-talk, and my husband keeps reminding me that everyone feels this way near the end of the PhD. He suggested I see the diss as a beast that's trying to kill me, and I just need to fight it until it's done/dead. I may try for milder imagery and picture a lion I'm trying to tame.
Next week's goals: 1) get Ch 2 finished and sent off by Mon., 2) get primary and secondary sources organized. Bonus: read more, write more.
Topic: I'm finding myself in a funny place on this topic. I don't want a full-time tenure track job at an R1. In fact, I don't really want full-time work at all right now. (My pre-kids dream job was FT at a SLAC.) I get frustrated that the system is such that my options seem to be FT-TT or crappy pay for adjuncting positions which a zillion people (who all have more recent and more teaching experience than I do) apply for. Being geographically bound doesn't help matters. I feel odd not wanting what everyone else wants and not having a venue for pursuing something that I really would want to do. But then I'm stymied about what I really do want professionally. So I've felt both the fear of failure (really failing to do something expected) and the fear of not knowing what's next.
Congrats on getting so much done! It might not have been everything you wanted, but it was still a lot. I wish I had other words of encouragement about the diss for you, but I'm in the same place mentally. I've always pictured myself at a SLAC like where I did my undergrad, but...well, we'll see. With the job market woes and my current all-consuming financial concerns, topped off with the fact that I just found out the school I'm at is going to be cutting waaay back on the number of adjuncts it hires and basically I'm in serious trouble, I keep thinking about finishing my PhD and leaving academia. But I can't even find a part-time job right now, so how could I find a full-time, "real" job when all I've done is the dissertation for so freaking long??? I'm not good at anything useful, at least that's what I tell myself in my moments of despair. That's silly, of course. We're very good at lots of useful things. We just need to remember that at our low points. Oh, and we need to kill those beasts before they kill us! Clearly, I like your husband's version of the diss.
DeleteI like the "tame the lion" approach to the diss. (and yes, everybody -- or at least pretty much everybody -- feels that way at the end).
DeleteOn job prospects: are there independent (high) schools in your area? Teaching at one of those can be not unlike teaching at a SLAC, and you might even find one that needs somebody half-time (or less), or be able to get your foot in the door through tutoring or something along those lines.
And Jodi is right, Ph.D.s (and A.B.D.s) *are* good at lots of useful things. The trick is to find the ones that will be reasonably satisfying, and reasonably flexible and/or remunerative (depending on priorities).
Have you checked out VersatilePhD (http://versatilephd.com/)? It's a good resource for PhDs exploring careers outside academia.
DeleteLast goal: Time: at least one hour a day, at least half an hour on translation and half on something else. Product: more notes on S book, get back to books on W and read/take notes. Do final edits and submit MMP companion-piece.
ReplyDeleteAchieved: doing better on the time than the product. On my longest teaching day I think I only managed half a hour of reading, but I've done at least an hour of something research-related on the other days. I have finished checking one chunk of translation from a team-mate; but the reading/note-taking I've done has not been on either W or S, nor have I dealt with the companion-piece edits (this is becoming embarrassing). The MMP is now becoming MMP-1 and MMP-2, as documented here: https://dameeleanorhull.wordpress.com/2013/01/29/octopus-v-intr/, and I have done some outlining work toward these different essays.
Next goals: Continue at least one hour a day. Move on to the other team-mate's piece of translation. Keep on with outlining or reading as the spirit moves me. And, in a piece of reverse psychology, do not touch the companion-piece revisions. Ignore them completely until the cold that started yesterday has run its course.
Analysis: facing the Octopus and re-organizing feels good. I hope the resulting essays will make sense on their own, and that editors will find them interesting; certainly they now make more sense to me, but I have the big picture, and I'm not sure how the pieces will look to other readers.
Topic: this one doesn't really speak to me. I am tenured and very introverted. I don't care about reaching a wide audience. I write because (a) I like finding out about stuff, (b) I want to talk to the handful of other scholars who share my interests in manuscripts and medieval readers, (c) I want to be able to get merit raises when there's money for them, not so much for the money but as a way of keeping score. I'm not sure this makes sense, but on (c), I feel that "failure" isn't really meaningful (there isn't ever much money), but I do know how to "win" (make people want to give me money, if there were any). So it's all carrot and no stick, at least from my peculiar perspective. But I am a very strange person. When people say that they'd like to write for a general audience, or get more people excited about history (or whatever), I just shrug. The only reason I can see to do that is for the cash. Communication with others doesn't motivate me at all; in fact, that's one reason I am slow to publish, because once I've figured out how something works, I tend to lose interest in the writing-it-up phase and would rather move on to the new shiny unknown thing. This is also the reason I try to write and research simultaneously, despite my sense that I would work better (in some ways) with the Z/McPhee approach: I have to do at least some of the writing while I'm in discovery mode or I may just not bother.
Maybe you're more zen than peculiar when it comes to this sort of thing. I wish it could rub off on me through all of these writing groups!
DeleteI've been enjoying the McPhee excerpts, and like the octopus metaphor. As I actually develop a "research program" (a concept which makes a lot more sense to me now than it did when I defended), I'm finding any guidance on working out the puzzle of which projects fit together, and how, very helpful (all the more so now that I'm thinking not only in terms of articles, monographs, and editions, but also of possible digital approaches).
DeleteInteresting about the ability to lose interest when the discovery phase has moved into the writing up phase - my experience in science is that this is very common! Perahps many of us have a wonderful curiosity of this kind. . .Hence in our early career stages we have it drilled into us that we MUST communicate our findings, otherwise "they may as well not exist" (generally by supervisors for whom having these outputs matters a great deal.
DeleteKiwi2
Goal: Deal with funding application; finish freelance piece; actually take out and look at books for main project, start planning it
ReplyDeleteAccomplished: Finished freelance piece; discovered funding application could (and probably should) be postponed; didn't get out books for main project.
Analysis: Given that it was the second week of classes, and students went add/drop crazy in 3 of my 4 sections just before the deadline, I'm feeling pretty good about how much I got accomplished. I did get a "no" on a response to a conference CFP, but it wasn't one I felt strongly about. I think I'm getting a better handle on how long it takes to write a freelance piece (and probably some clarity about whether I can do that and work on scholarly research/writing at the same time; the answer is probably "no," at least in term time). And there are no freelance assignments in the pipeline at the moment, so it's time to begin working on the main project for the term.
Goal for next week: take out sources/models for main project; look at them; plan.
Topic for the week: Like Amstr and Dame Eleanor, I'm not sure "fear of failure," at least in terms of not living up to some externally-imposed ideal, quite applies to me. Though I've got Ivy degrees, I never really had the mindset that sometimes (though by no means always) goes with that (and probably wouldn't get into the schools from which I got my degrees today, not because I'm not smart, but because I strongly dislike competition, and tend to leave it to others who enjoy it and go enjoy something myself that I don't have to wrangle over first, and then find myself wrangling for the next "prize"). I'd love to teach at the kind of school I attended, but for the lifestyle and the resources, not the prestige (and I have no illusion that I will, unless what interests me accidentally becomes a hot topic, and I've managed to publish on it. I'm a bit more interested in communicating with an audience than Dame Eleanor, but only a bit, and if my interests happen to line up with what those with power over various rewards find interesting -- which has happened once before -- it will be by chance, not the result of any careful plotting and positioning on my part). I do identify with Skallerup Bessette's description of "say[ing] 'Yes' to too many things out of fear of missing out on some unseen opportunity," but in my case I'm almost equally afraid of not doing the thing that might get me a tenure-track job, and doing things in hopes of getting a tenure-track job when in fact I should be directing my energies toward other means of finding a reasonably secure, reasonably rewarding career. That may in part be a function of age and experience/disillusionment. The good news is that I've regained some self-confidence post grad school/dissertation (it only took the better part of a decade, though admittedly some complications in my personal life probably slowed the process); the bad news is that, while I'm not tremendously afraid of failing at whatever I put my mind to, I'm not quite sure what to put my mind to (and I am aware that both age and uncertainty about outcomes bring decreasing energy).
I guess the one thing I would say, from the perspective of age (and a certain amount of well-earned cynicism), is that, if you're still in or just leaving grad school, it pays to do a reality check on how possible/likely it really is to achieve what your advisers are making you feel you "should" be doing, and adjust your plans, or at least how much time and energy you put into pursuing any one goal, accordingly. It was almost subconscious, but as I was hearing from my grad advisers that I just needed to finish the diss. and I'd get a job, I was also noticing a growing number of recent Ph.D.s still living in the town surrounding my grad university (and teaching in the department) because they hadn't found jobs yet. Dealing (or not dealing) with that cognitive dissonance *did* retard my pace toward the degree, not because I was afraid of "failing," but because I wasn't sure exactly why I was finishing the degree, or what I would do (or be able to do) next. Sometimes you don't have to look very far for evidence that the path you're being told exists isn't really all that clear or accessible, but it's still easy to get caught up in others' unrealistic expectations; hoping that things haven't changed, that they'll change back, that you'll be the exception, etc., etc. is a powerful force (and it's worth noting that, for faculty at R1 schools who won't retire for a decade or more, the sort of major changes in academic career tracks that may be occurring could also mean very unpleasant changes in the shapes of their own jobs, even if, thanks to tenure, they get to keep *a* job. They've got almost as strong a reason to be in denial as job candidates do, and I've had a few conversations where I felt that my interlocutor's head was planted very firmly in the sand). I'm not sorry I finished the diss., but I'm also glad that I made some life/career decisions on the basis of what I observed to be the case, rather than on the basis of what my advisers told me was the case. And as I think about starting a book, I'm also thinking seriously about whether writing a book is another "hoop" that I'm thinking of jumping through because it would make me eligible for a TT job should one come along, and whether that's a good use of my time and energy. Right now, I'm leaning toward wanting to write the book, for its own/my sake as well as because it would be another credential, but I need to think hard about this.
Delete"for faculty at R1 schools who won't retire for a decade or more, the sort of major changes in academic career tracks that may be occurring could also mean very unpleasant changes in the shapes of their own jobs, even if, thanks to tenure, they get to keep *a* job."
DeleteOh yeah. I am pretty sure that at least some of this will be coming my way, even though in many ways LRU is a very reasonable place with many people who are fighting the good fight. But there's only so much we can do in the face of legislative idiocy and general cultural and demographic changes. I don't know if I can afford to retire early, but I do know I'd love to. It may be a case of "apres moi, le deluge," but that would be better than getting deluged before I can get out. And this is not about wanting to do something else; if my job stays the job I have been doing, I'll be happy to just keep doing it as long as I can face the commute.
I think it will be very interesting to see how the changes might shake things up. I think there is definite room for improvement in running things, at least at all of the schools I've been attached to, but heads in the sand and feet in cement seem to be holding people back, rather than letting them take a proactive approach and getting involved in the change-making process when possible.
DeleteI cannot agree that micro-managing by non-academics will in any way improve education.
DeleteNor can I, which is why I think we as academics need to admit that there are some problems with the system and try to fix them ourselves, rather than ignoring the problem, refusing to make any sort of changes, and delaying things so long (years, not months of inaction) that non-acs force themselves upon the school, which is what is happening at my school currently.
DeleteIt doesn't have to be the result of inaction, just busy-bodying from the non-acs; this results in "we can do it to ourselves before they do it to us" lines of argument. But once the building is down, it doesn't much matter who lights the fuse. I am not talking about anything useful like getting closer to something like MLA guidelines w/r/t adjunct/TT proportions. Nothing good like that is even on the table.
DeleteHi All,
ReplyDeleteAs predicted, I didn't do anything on the paper this week (thought I did LOTS of other work); for next week, I want to plan out the paper a bit and write one section (of, I think, four).
Good luck with the planning!
ReplyDeleteHi all:
ReplyDeleteI'm going to drop out of this group. I'm just feeling pulled in too many directions right now, am having trouble setting priorities, and am also feeling like too many things are out of my control at the moment. Unfortunately, weekly check-ins just feel like too much pressure/guilt right now :(
Sorry you're leaving us, sophylou, but good luck with what you want to accomplish!
DeleteThanks! I've just reached the point where I have to start saying no to things -- I realized this week that I'm stretched too thin, and right now nothing on my plate is really appropriate for weekly accountability :( Wish everyone luck though!
DeleteAchieved: somehow, I do not know how, I have ended up with over 4,000 words. They are semi chaotic but they are there and can be worked with.
ReplyDeleteGoal for this week: 25 minutes each day, up to 2.5 hours or more when possible. Start putting this thing in order. Reading is allowed but only as part of the process of writing. Find old files, add things, really write.
Commentary: On failure, I could say a lot but generally speaking, fear not of failure/rejection itself but fear of not being capable of producing something really good often keeps me from trying enough. If I allow myself to just work then I always do very well. Even today, looking at my mess of 4,000+ words I thought, this really has problems, am I within my rights to put so much time and energy toward something that may never be good, when I know there are all these lower level tasks I can do in this time that will be useful and are sure to be worthwhile in their way? Am I not being incredibly self indulgent? The answer is no, I am doing my job...
Congratulations on the huge word count! That's amazing! I think you've picked up on an interesting idea that there is what can seem like a level of self-indulgence in dedicating time to writing. It's not actually self-indulgent; it IS our job, but it doesn't always feel that way, particularly when there are so many more pressing tasks - whether it's lesson planning, marking, service commitments, or whatever - that have a more immediate payoff than writing.
DeleteI haven't checked in because I am having difficulty getting back into the swing of things. I found someone to do work with me though on Mon and Fri. though and I've managed to get some things done.
ReplyDeleteNext Week's Goal: finish book review; write at least 2000 words on EHC essay; begin book proposal.
You and me both! Funny how hard it is to create a good routine, but how easy it is for that routine to get derailed.
DeleteLast week’s goals 1). Re-group. 2). Review research journal. 3). Work 4 hours each on two non-teaching days. Work 30 minutes each on three non-teaching days. 4). Review progress and check-in with writing group on Friday.
ReplyDeleteAccomplished: All of the above, except I’m two days late checking in. Sigh.
Next week’s goals: 1). Finish GT section; 2). Work 2-3 hours on two non-teaching days and 30 minutes each on three non-teaching days. 3). Check-in with writing group on Friday.
Analysis: What a difference a week makes. Plans are in place for addressing the disruptive student. I managed to keep my writing days sacred, or nearly so. I had a dr's appt. on one writing day and have a follow-up test next week that will take a chunk out of another writing day. But health problems must trump writing at least for this week.
Discussion question: Some interesting comments. I'm still reading and processing. I'm not sure that "fear of failure" applies to me either, at least in regards to external standards. Perhaps when I was younger. Is that one of the benefits of aging? You come to some peace with those demons.
I’ve been following Lee Skallerup Bessette’s blog posts with interest. Some good ideas.
I have the traditional TT position in a small department in a private university with R1 aspirations. This is my fourth or fifth career, however, depending on how I count the various paths I've taken over the years. I’m not very good at following the traditional timeline – marriage, children, career, etc.
Anyway, the entire time I worked on my PhD, I worked full-time in a professional position. The stress of working full-time was countered by the lack of stress and worry over finding full-time employment after defense. I don’t regret that choice.
I enjoy teaching. I enjoy research and writing. I am revising my dissertation for publication -- necessary for tenure, but I would do so even without that incentive. I especially enjoy working with graduate (master's) students who are trying to figure out their career path. But if the TT position went away tomorrow, I'd probably go back to my professional field or figure something else out most likely working with graduate students starting out in the field. But again I much of my attitude comes from life experiences, bouncing around from career to career. I entered academia and the TT more than fifteen years later than the average PhD and with a substantial amount of non-academic work experience.
Also, I should add, that I was fortunate to work with a dissertation adviser who supported my plans for the future. In fact, s/he encouraged me not to go on the market -- that in fact I had a great job in a related field and not to take that advantage lightly. Took a lot of pressure off the drive to seek TT employment. I was not really seeking a TT position when I accepted my current position – this position came about more as a result of my professional experience and contacts in the field than my academic credentials (though those were very important, too, obviously).
Best wishes for your health, and good luck with the disruptive student.
DeleteYou should certainly cut yourself a break about checking in later than planned with all that you've had going on this week! Good luck with everything!
DeleteLast week's goals: Complete at least 1 analysis memo for MS paper; edit findings section of BE paper; find a new journal for rejected TS paper; read for Methods paper
ReplyDeleteAccomplished: Completed 1 analysis memo for MS paper; a little reading/note-taking for Methods paper; searched for new journal for rejected TS paper and rejected LM paper. Did not work on BE paper.
Analysis: This week I had less time at home and more in meetings. I'm afraid that is a trend that will continue throughout February, as I am on a search committee and we're bringing in 3 candidates. Finding new journals always takes me a while. I currently have good candidates for both papers but now I need to make sure I can reformat/restructure the papers so that they fit will in the journals. I work in an interdisciplinary field and my work is definitely on the fringes, so finding outlets for my work is incredibly frustrating. The reading I did for the Methods paper was good as it gave me new ways to frame that paper but I still have a big scary pile of articles I need to get through. I also realized that the BE findings needs some re-analysis and I can't edit it until I do that. There was no time for new analysis this week.
Next week's goals: Commit to new journals for TS & LM paper; 3rd of 4th analysis memos for MS paper; continue reading for Methods paper; start re-analysis of BE findings.
Topic: I used to be terrified of failing but that's really changed in all aspects of my life. I think it is one of the many beauties of aging. In terms of work, I've already got tenure and a more than healthy CV, so writing is something I do for myself. I definitely did not end up in an R1 institution, although that is what I was groomed for. I don't see this as failure because I decided I didn't like the lifestyle that came with R1s. However none of this means I don't still struggle with failure. Getting two rejections in two weeks still hits hard. I don't need to publish but I spend a lot of my time writing and if I can't get my writing published it degrades the experience for me. Yes, a lot of the joy comes from my own learning that occurs through my scholarship, but I do want to engage in a larger conversation. I love to write but I also like to be read and it is hard not to read rejections as failure. It is also difficult because for most of my career I was engaged in mainstream research and found it fairly easy to publish. Sure there were rejections and lots of revisions but most of my work eventually got published. In the past few years I've gone in a very different (read fringe-y, feminist, critical) direction that is not embraced in my field. I feel my scholarship and writing has vastly grown from this experience but my hit rate is pathetic.
Different journals? Sometimes the answer is joining different conversations. I like hearing about people who strike out in new directions, even if the road is bumpy. The interdisciplinary-fringe thing is tricky, though. I have a list of about 5 journals MMP-1 could go to, and some seem like a better "fit" than others, yet it's those others I'd like to talk to (who need to hear this news, IMO), so it's not just can you get accepted, but are the right people listening. Good luck finding homes for the rejected pieces.
DeleteThe fringe is fabulous and frightening all at once! It's great when your work excites you, but I think it can be a challenge when your field is less than excited because it's not as embraced. Dame has a good idea, though. Could you try different journals?
DeleteLast week's goal: dedicate 3hrs on T/R, and hopefully an hour on MWF. Write a shitty first draft of my conference paper, which is an offshoot of a diss. chapter.
ReplyDeleteAccomplished: Apparently lowering my goals works. I got my hours in plus about 3-4 yesterday, and I plan to work today. Tuesday, I worked on my conference paper, but realized that I didn't have to submit it, so I set it aside to work on my dissertation. I found an important piece of writing that I had cut from Ch.2 and never put into Ch. 4. I didn't get as much writing done, but I have some spots of writing/ideas down.
Next week's goal: 3hrs on T/R, but I also want to get about 700 words each day.
Failure: I don't really want to write about it. What I will say is that having faculty advisors repeatedly tell you that you will not finish, initially saying that you are a failure, doesn't help. Excuse me, but unlike many 20-something students who get money from their parents, I have always worked 30+ hrs per week, plus did not my course work. Yeah, just a little bitter after another email telling me that they have seen "the writing on the wall" and that they are "mourning" the fact that I am not going to finish my dissertation. So, maybe that's why we have the fear of failure--there is always someone telling you that you are failing, or they are waiting for you to fail.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with that. It's bad pedagogy and bad management. I'm offended on your behalf.
DeleteOh no! I'm so sorry! That is offensive. Just because you aren't on the same timeline does NOT mean you won't finish. It's your dissertation, your timeline. My supervisor once hinted that if I don't finish soon, I won't finish at all. My head exploded, but then I reminded him that I have had to work my way through my PhD to pay for all the living expenses that my funding didn't cover because I had the same funding as everyone else, but three times the tuition amount, thanks to being an international student. It was (still is) incredibly frustrating and I'm so sorry you're still dealing with that. It's not just bad management; it's plain old mean!
DeleteLast week's goal: 1) Five 12-minute sessions (may include two or three on prose); 2) Send out ms. to other publisher.
ReplyDeleteAccomplished: 1) Four out of five; didn't quite get to five again 2) Yes (and again, thank goodness for this goal, because when it came right down to it, having set the goal was the only thing that actually made me do it).
Analysis: Puttering along.
Next week's goal: 1) Five 12-minute sessions (again, may include two or three on prose); 2) Send out ms. to one book contest.
Comments: Can't think of much to say that can be said in the time I have. In some ways my whole blog is about trying to make a life that feels successful, even if it doesn't quite match some of the outward indicators of success in the profession I started out in.
Those outward indicators can be such a trap, eh? (Oh, look, I still have some Canada left in me!) I have to remind myself of this when I look at my friends who all have houses and marriages and children and I...don't. Good luck with the book contest!
Deletegoals last week: a) incorporate the comments from other authors into paper A, do a first cut at reducing its length (let's say 4 sessions of about 0.5-1 hour each). b) type up the outline for what is now paper D derived from this week's freewriting and send an email to my colleague about their part in finalising the analysis plan.
ReplyDeleteachieved: Nope, though I did talk with my colleague about (b). And the grading is DONE \o/ (waving arms in joy), all of it. Did you know that north Africa is renowned for its 'extreme desserts' and that grasslands are covered with trees? Maybe leaving first year gen ed work sheets til last wasn't the best idea...
analysis: two things - I'm not as over the virus I had as I thought, and going into the office for four days in a row with classes on three of them and class prep to do wore me out despite my carefully keeping my days short, getting enough sleep, eating masses of fruit & veg etc. The second thing... oh, I am embarrassed to admit this, but... I completely forgot about my distance learning maths course in among all the grading. I now have two months worth of study and homework to do this weekend for mailing off. So NO RESEARCH TIME. Or commenting here, or anything really apart from math. Ooops!
goals for next week: a) incorporate the comments from other authors into paper A, do a first cut at reducing its length (let's say 4 sessions of about 0.5-1 hour each). b) type up the outline for what is now paper D derived from this week's freewriting and send an email to my colleague about their part in finalising the analysis plan. c) otherwise focus on teaching prep for the four weeks of statistics coming up (I hate team teaching. It comes in waves...).
the topic:long whinge over at my blog, it sorta grew... but no, for me, it hasn't really gone away, but I am getting better at working despite it. I hope.
1. Last week's goal: 30 minutes 5 days.
ReplyDelete2. Accomplished: 2 days worth. Gah!
3. Analysis: Cross-country travel and concomitant delays combined with end-of-the-month paperwork.More importantly, I let things get in the way.
4. Next week's goal: 3 days, 30 minutes.
Topic: I'm in a reasonably secure position, in that I am in the "sustained performance" part of my career. That carries its own fear--in part, a fear of success, because if I do well on this article, how will I "top" it in the next? There is always the undercurrent of fear of failure, of course, because what if this article bombs?
I don't worry about bringing my academic riches to a wide audience, so I don't worry about that so much, but I would like enough interest to get published!
I apologize for the repetitive, brain-dead nature of my comment. I really should draft elsewhere to copy and paste here!
ReplyDeleteMy apologies!
Not at all! Good luck next week!
DeleteOk, time to 'fess up.
ReplyDeleteLast week's goal: If I'm still alive, I need 1000-1500 words
Accomplished: 400 hard-fought words
Analysis: I was far from my goal, but as wretched as I felt, I'm pretty happy with 400 words. I'm not going to dwell on it. Onwards and upwards, right?
Next week's goal: Please, please, please 1000-1500 words
Commentary: Well, it was my topic, but I've found this has depressed me even more. Yes, it's nice to know that some people are in the same boat. Dwelling on it, however, is a drag. What did I learn from this? I don't know. Don't compare myself to others? I guess. Do what's best for me and my career? Sure. Remember that I'm in this because I love it and couldn't dream of anything else I'd rather do? Yes, that's about right.
Yes--celebrate those 400 words as way more than zero, and get started on a new week. You can do it!
DeleteGoal: Write 1,000 words (can be rubbish) on the article. Read the book for review.
ReplyDeleteAchieved: 365 words (yet another plan) for the article. No move on the book.
Next week's goal: finish the book, and write the book review.
Failure: Oh, boy! This has been a biggie for me. I try to think that by stepping away from academia, I don't really need to worry about acceptance/ passing/ or failing. This does not mean that I have moved on from my fear of failure, which is one of the things which keeps me from writing. Yes, as my husband points out, if I don't write, that is a form of fail. Still not sure what the correct action is...
-kiwimedievalist
So glad to know it's not just me whose fear can prevent writing!
DeleteLast week's goal: Something like getting up early two mornings a week and maybe one more thing (don't feel like going back to check right now).
ReplyDeleteAccomplished: Yes. I got up early two mornings. I also did about an hour on Friday.
Analysis: I thought I'd have a bit more time on Friday, but my son was sick home from school, and then I had afternoon meetings. But I did squeeze in an hour! Can't say I feel like I got much done this week, but I did get through a chapter or chapter and a half of a book. But this weekend I got behind. I felt the need to hang out with the kids a lot, and today was hubby's b-day, so I didn't work during the day, but am now up later grading and prepping for tomorrow (evening though I'm also supposed to be getting up at 6:00am to read for the thesis! It's 11:25 p.m. now.
Next week's goal: Two early mornings of reading (an hour each), and at least three hours of writing on Friday.
Commentary on Topic: I am fortunate that I already have a tenured position at a community college in a wonderful town. And I probably won't attempt to go anywhere else. I'm in my 15th year at the CC; I get to teach Brit Lit (at least for now) in addition to Intro to Lit, Comp, and a few others; and it would be hard to get a salary match somewhere else, I think. But I still worry about failure. I worry that I'm incapable of finishing a PhD thesis, I worry that the external examiner will say that my thesis is rubbish, I worry about disappointing my family if I fail and all of this work was for nothing; I worry about disappointing my supervisor if I don't write a book from my thesis, and I worry about other things, too. Most of the time, I suppose I worry that trying to squeeze in time to complete the thesis makes me fail as a mother. So there's that.
But there's only one way out, and that is straight through!!! So onward I go.
Sorry for the typos. A bit sleepy.
DeleteOh god. I haven't even thought about disappointing my supervisor if I don't turn the diss into a book. *freaked-out face* I try not to worry about things like my external examiner thinking my thesis is crap because I don't think a supervisor, or at least my supervisor, would set me up like that. They may be critical, but getting an external who won't support you at the last stage seems counterintuitive at best, not just for all of your work, but for all of your supervisor's work as well. I hope. Maybe I'm being naive. I know it happens, but I hope all of us trying to finish at least can have some sort of small comfort like that. I'd try to write some more words of encouragement, but I need to go have a breakdown now. Good luck next week!
DeleteJodi, I think part of my fear of the external examiner is that I'm an American attended a university in the UK, so the whole thing is just a bit more unfamiliar and scary. But I have loads of trust and confidence in my primary and secondary supervisors (both are wonderful, supportive, prolific scholars), so you're probably right.
DeleteBut I still get nervous.
Sorry I freaked you out!
Last week: 1) write at least a page of notes a day 2) Reading three chapters of spatial book 2 3) If a positive answer is received from the new uni, take a day off for reading.
ReplyDeleteAccomplished: 1) Mon 1, Fri 2. 2) Did nothing. 3) Hasn't happened yet.
Analysis: I was OBE due to taking on extra teaching with classes I didn't know, and moving shelves and books from my parents' house to my flat. Also, occasionally, Overcome By Laziness. The book I am supposed to read obviously bores me, so I'll move on to another one. I should give myself more freedom when I read, otherwise I will lose my enthusiasm.
Next week: 1) write at least a page of notes a day. 2) Read a minimum of one chapter a day. 3) If a positive answer is received from the new uni, take a day off for reading and celebrate.
Commentary: I try to see PhD work as its own reward. Even if I fail to get a job afterwards, doing the research I wanted to do and taking it as far as I could will be the success I'm hoping for.
Another Zen master! I hope you get good news from the new uni soon.
DeleteMe too! I've been in limbo for five months and it's dragging me down.
DeleteSeems my check in last week didn't post...
ReplyDeleteNot that it matters much: I didn't make my goal of finishing my chapter 2 weeks ago, so split what needed to be done in two. The first part I finished last week. So... t
This week's goal: finish ch. 5.
Commentary: I enjoy writing, but I struggle with it every day. A fear of failure can be very different for different people. My experience with writing is that external factors of esteem can provide good benchmarks, but nothing is as motivating as the desire to put an idea into words *properly*. This constant frustration, that I feel like I can't *quite* express myself as I would like to, is a spur to improvement.
I think trying to express yourself as well as you would like is a great motivator. It can be a struggle, particularly when you are so close to a project and know what you want to convey so well, but can't get it down on paper just as you want.
DeleteCould I check-in? Sorry for being late.
ReplyDeleteLast goal: finish the paper
Achieved: not yet. but I believe at least getting close.
Analysis: somehow I had spent so long time to prepare for a class which I had to talk on a new topic. I prepared for it sometime before, but when I looked again at my note, I realised it wouldn't be enough. The topic itself was enjoyable, but it was so time-consuming. I have to prepare for next week, but it won't be so difficult. So, I am still struggling with my paper.
Goals for next week: finish the paper
Comments: I am a person who easily get depressed and feel failed. What I have been trying to manage myself with such failure feeling is to write about the failure or failure feeling on a sheet of paper. Writing helps me to consider the feeling objectively. But this is ideal. In reality, when I feel depressed, I just read something enjoyable, eat something nice, then go to bed, with 'tommorrow is another day' type of thinking, hoping your failure will change into something unimportant.
As someone who also gets easily depressed, I think it's great that you can let yourself get depressed and recover the next day. Not dwelling on it is key.
DeleteAck, I'm late too! My apologies.
ReplyDeleteLast week's goal: 1500 words.
Achieved: 834, a little over half (does that reach the magic 60% that's Good Enough? I'm too tired even to do the math.) And really I'm pretty happy with that, since we have three on-campus candidates within a week, and I'm on the search committee, so that's taken big bites out of my usual writing time.
Comment: I'm in a similar place as Elizabeth Anne Mitchell above, in terms of needing to maintain "sustained performance." So I'm in a secure place, but there's always the fear of not living up to the expectations of my colleagues. Especially since we've made several new hires in the past few years, and there's always lots of guesswork around "how quickly will they adjust" and "how much will they produce down the road" and "what will they contribute to the university?", it always makes me wonder what people imagined I would be when they hired me, and if I have disappointed by not publishing enough. I still insist on thinking of myself as a late bloomer, though; any day now I will become an overachieving publishing machine. :)
So, the fear never ends??? Oh no!
DeleteWhat's your goal for this week?
Um... to be less muddle-headed so I remember to check in on time and set my goals. :)
DeleteSo: this week's goal, another 1500. Bird by bird.
Don't feel bad! I'm co-hosting and still have to have appointments for it on my calendar AND reminder alerts set for posting the group and for checking in. Thank goodness for GTD and Google cal!
DeleteArgh! Posting late! This keeps me from meeting all the week's goals. Most importantly, though, I hit all of my research & writing counts. Call it a 90% week - points off for reporting late and having two less-than-optimal blocks of time.
ReplyDeleteNext Week: 750 words-to-draft; 6x250; 5 solid hours with analytic sources; post writing group report by Saturday.
On Topic: I've always had difficulty with research--I don't have strong methodology or working practices, so I could easily feel like I've "failed" virtually every project (and to some extent I do feel that way). On the other hand, once I accept that everything is a draft with room for improvement in its next iteration or tangents to develop into some new project, etc., that disappointment is balanced by rekindled interest and enthusiasm. Now if only I can make my next conference paper or dissertation chapter a solid 3rd draft instead of the sketchy thing that I usually spit up in the face of a deadline, I'd be in business...
Another Zen master with the "everything is a draft" concept! If you ever figure out how to make the next paper or chapter more than sketchy, can you let me know, please?
ReplyDeleteLate again! I'm awful at this. :(
ReplyDeleteLast week: Utter failure. I was lucky to get even a blip of work done.
This week: Successfully block out time each day to write.
Ugh! That's all I have time for right now.