Oh my god. I am dying. I really think I am. I alternate between freezing cold and breaking out in a sweat. All of the dogs want to lay on me, as if, in doing so, they will magically cure me, or at least win a prize for being closest to me when I die. I can't sleep because I just hear the wheezing, creaking, rattling sounds in my chest as I try to breathe. I'm certain this is what they call the death rattle.
I keep getting email notifications that my ILL books have arrived. My dissertation mocks me.
And I should be in the Bahamas, getting ready for the rehearsal dinner for my best friend's wedding.
The chills and fever sound like malaria. But, the breathing problem sound like asthma. I have suffered both since moving to Africa, but not at the same time. You should go to the hospital and get some medicine.
ReplyDeleteOh, dear. I suspect the intensity of the illness might have to do with that last thing you mention: emotional pain can, indeed, intensify sickness (and getting sick can be one way of dealing, or not dealing, with emotional pain, and having to miss your best friend's wedding for economic reasons is a source of real and understandable pain, especially since it ties into the whole should-I-really-be-doing-this question that is really hard to juggle with the pressure of finishing a dissertation, for whatever reason one, known or uncertain, one is trying to finish said dissertation).
ReplyDeleteI think you mentioned the possibility of an independent school gig a while back. I hope that comes through, and/or you can find another one; are you searching more widely? For someone who likes teaching, that can be a very good short- or long-term solution to the employment problem (and, since you can still work on writing/research in the summers, you don't have to decide which it is for a while). I went to an independent school, had a number of teachers who held Ph.D.s, and found even more there when I went back to a reunion recently. Among other things, there's a good deal of freedom to teach esoteric subjects (i.e. whatever gets you excited) as long as you can incorporate practice with the necessary skills (and that's not really so hard). The main reason I don't try that avenue myself is that I'm an introvert, and found even being a day student at a boarding/day school close to unbearably overwhelming in terms of people-contact-hours when I was in my teens. I just couldn't manage that part of the job as a teacher. But if you're an extrovert, or even just a bit closer to the middle of the scale than I, it can be a very good option. The only other thing I'd be cautious about is the whole "free housing" thing: it can work very well, at least at some stages in one's life, but it can also entail a good deal of additional work, and of course your housing is dependent on your job, and you're not building equity.
In the meantime, I'm glad you have canine companionship. That's always comforting. And J. Otto Pohl is right about seeking medical advice (even at an urgent care center) if the chills and fever don't abate pretty soon. The only time I had that particular issue (back in college), it turned out that I had toxic shock, and needed antibiotics. I'm sure other conditions can cause chills and fever, but it still strikes me as falling on the more serious end of medical symptoms, and as worth checking out.
My best friend called in some antibiotics and a cough syrup for me. What's the point of having a best friend who is a doctor if he can't help you when you're sick and uninsured? The fever and chills are gone, thankfully, and the cough and sinuses are getting better, if very slowly. Just in time for classes to start again as spring break is over and I didn't even touch the dissertation once. So much for a writing blast!
ReplyDeleteMan, what bad luck! Now that you are getting better, can you wrap up and lie outside in the sun on a chaise longue, like that patients in The Magic Mountain?
ReplyDeleteThat's not a bad idea! I'm getting desperate to get outside after being cooped up - aka bed-ridden - for over a week. I'm hoping the weather will stay nice, now that I'm feeling almost ready to move around.
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